


Love

by NotEvenNightshade



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Confessions, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Not Good, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), also adam is alive as is allura bc fuck you canon, basically Keith comes over to see if lance's alright, because lance isnt talking to any of them, because season 8 was, season 8 re-write, they conFESS THEIR FEELINGS, this is not to say allurance isnt cute in fanon but in canon the writing was just so bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-09-23 03:29:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17072675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenNightshade/pseuds/NotEvenNightshade
Summary: Lance is confused about how to truly know when he's in love. Keith helps clarifyorS8 sucked so here's Lance and Keith confessing to each other.(Was "How do you know it' love?")





	1. Ask

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I didn't watch season 8. but i've seen spoilers, and...i think that this is something y'all might like. I tried to make this as in context as I could.

They say the best time to find out who you really are is in time of crisis- in time of horror, sadness, upset, when something isn’t going your way, really.

Of course, there are several flaws with this statement. One must be able to define what a crisis _is_ to be able to properly know how to judge how they are reacting. Some may say that a crisis is a war, terror, fights that are usually not in your control but will likely dictate a large portion of your life. Does this discount the other, mundane crisis’s in one’s life? Divorce, the death of a loved one, breakups, they could all be a crisis, could they not? And, you can be numbed to the pain at that present moment, and forget who you are, forget how to act like a normal, functioning human being, meaning that you end up lying lifelessly as the crisis unfolds around you.

Does that mean that you yourself are truly lifeless? That “who you’re meant to be” is nothing more than a lifeless shell of a human, curled underneath much too old childhood duvet covers, blinds shut tight so as not to let the enemy that presented itself as the sun in?

This is how Lance found himself. He had been trying to get up, to do something with his life, but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything. He couldn’t bring himself to go and face the world, and he had come to the resounding conclusion that he really wasn’t all that great in a crisis, when a curt knocking at his door interrupted his thoughts. Lance found this particularly strange, as none of his siblings were in right now, and his parents, despite his best efforts, refused to knock. Something about “no secrets from family.” or whatever. There was no one he was expecting to see either, so when he hesitantly replied “Uh..come in?” it was phrased as a question, unsure of what to anticipate.

Whatever he was expecting, Keith Kogane stumbling through his door- clearly surprised and attempting to hold his posture- was not it. And as soon as he straightened up, Lance felt that familiar tugging pain that had recently manifested within himself so that whenever he’s around the other man, he feels it all around him. Lance knew it had something to do with Keith leaving for all those months, because ever since he came back (with his mother and his space dog) an ever so slight pain appeared whenever he looked at him.

For a few, mildly confusing seconds, they stood, facing one another, neither of them saying anything. Finally, taking fault for his actions, muttered, “I didn’t know there was a step to get into your door.”

Lance blinked. “Yeah..uh. There’s a step.”

Silence once more lapsed onto their uncomfortable dynamic.

“I-“ Keith stopped himself again, eyes fixated on the ground. “I wanted to check if you were alright- you haven’t been answering anyone’s texts and Hunk was getting kinda antsy. I volunteered to check out if everything was...okay.”

Ah, there it was. Lance could honestly say he wasn’t necessarily expecting Keith to bring this up, but he wasn’t surprised that he did it either.

Four days ago, Allura and Lance broke it off. Really, it had been Lance’s decision, but that hadn’t made it any less painful. As far as he had known, Allura hadn’t told anyone of what had happened, preferring to keep things private. And Lance hadn’t even told his parents, much less anyone on the team. The only one who knew was Rachel, but that was down to the fact that his twin- even after the years they had been apart, still knew him better than he knew himself.

And there was honestly no bad blood between the two. Allura was still one of the best people he had ever met, and now that they weren’t together- it didn’t change anything in terms of the mutual admiration they held for one another.

They just weren’t right together.

Realising he had been thinking for far too long without an answer, he replied, “Uh. I guess not really.”

Keith didn’t reply, waiting for Lance to continue.

“Allura and I broke up.”

And distantly, something akin to surprise registered across Keith's face before it was back to normal, and he was saying, “what happened? I thought you were going great together?”

Lance took a moment to plan out his answer. “I don’t know. But I just didn’t t think it was a good idea to be with her anymore.”

“Wait- you broke up with her?”

Lance narrowed his eyes slightly, red blossoming across his face. “Yes. Am I that pathetic that you can’t think I can break up with someone?”

“No!” Keith was quick to answer. “No! No- no, God no.” He sputtered.. “I just- I just meant that you were the one who asked her out, you were the one who always seemed to be talking about how in love you were with her. I was just surprised, that’s all.”

Lance didn’t answer, that awful, awful lump beginning to form in his throat. Maybe he had made a mistake. Maybe he should go apologise, maybe he should go and make amends with her, say he wasn’t thinking, that he was having a bad day, yeah- maybe he should go right now-

“Lance?” Keith’s voice this time far more gentle, once more prompting his thoughts to cut off, and Lance was brought back to reality.

And how was he supposed to reply? He wasn’t sure he could- he didn’t even think he had a definite answer,a definite reason. So, he murmured “I don’t know man. I just didn’t feel anything.”

Keith didn’t say anything, clearly waiting for him to continue.

“I mean, at first I thought I did. I was so happy that she said she wanted to go out with me, I was- well, you saw how I was.” For whatever reason, he felt uncomfortable telling this to Keith, that he was happy to be going out with someone. As if he didn’t want to hurt Keith’s feelings. Which in itself was confusing and overwhelming, because why on earth should he care what Keith thinks about his love life. Still, he persisted. “ That’s what I thought, that I was in love. But... soon enough I realised that I didn’t feel anything. Not when we hugged, we cuddled, we...kissed… I just, I didn’t feel anything.” He shifted his thumbs in a weird way, moving their position up and down his hands. “I tried to love her like when how I dreamed of loving her back when we first met-“

“So what happened?”

“I realised I didn’t love her. Not like that, anyway. I tried to love her, but it wasn’t working. And I didn’t want her to know because I knew, with after everything she had been through, this was just going to hurt her more.” He smiled bitterly, not an ounce of happiness within it. “All I ended up going was fucking things up more.  
“I thought I was in love” He crossed the room and sat down on his bed, feeling the tired mattress groan underneath the pressure, a feat that had annoyed him all throughout high school but was now so achingly familiar he relished in it. “Truth is, I don’t even know what love is.”

Keith looked like he was trying to find the right words, but couldn’t. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times, before finally finding his voice. “Lance...love is always going to be tricky. And it’s not something you can easily define. It’s messy, it’s...confusing, but you don’t need to try to feel like you’re in love, to know that you are.”

Lance, surprisingly, scoffed- though there was no heat behind it. “No offense dude, but how do you know what being in love feels like?”

“I’ve been in love before, Lance.”

“Oh? And how did you fall out of love?”

Keith stared, not taking his eyes off of Lance’s. “I didn’t”.

_What?_

 “You’re- You’re in love with someone?" Lance said. "Who? For how long?”

Keith smiled slightly, but there was a certain sadness that Lance couldn’t quite place. “For a while, Lance. I’ve been in love...for a while.”

And there was something there, something that he wasn’t seeing. He swallowed, and asked: “How did you know you were in love?”


	2. Answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Realizations, changes, future.

“I guess...I just...I had never felt anything remotely like it. I knew it wasn’t, well, admiration- I could differentiate between the two, and then there was desire, and I knew it wasn’t that one either because this one felt a lot softer and sweeter, not like how desire feels at all.”

“Do you think I felt desire for Allura then?” Asked Lance, “Not love?”

Keith thought for a moment. “I can’t really say. I think the only person who can say is you. But if you’re sure it wasn’t, well, _romantic_ love, then that is a possibility.”

Lance snorted, but it wasn’t at Keith, more to himself. “Honestly?” he said, “I have no idea what I’ve been feeling. But... no- it wasn’t love. I don’t think so, anyway.” He paused, then spoke up again.

“I know what love is. Romantic love. I wanted to feel what I felt with- with someone else- to her- i wanted to be in love with her- but...it wasn’t the love I felt.”

It was Keith’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “You’ve been in love?”

Lance looked right at him. “Of course.”

And Keith stared back. “Then why did you ask me what it was like?”

Lance continued to stare, then, very softly: “I wanted to see what you thought.”

Feeling himself begin to blush, Keith looked down, before saying, “It doesn’t honestly matter what I think. They didn’t like me back anyway.”

Lance raised an eyebrow, face confused. “Now what makes you think that they don’t love you back?”

“This time it was Keith's turn to scoff. “It was pretty obvious.”

Lance’s eyebrows furrowed slightly and he crossed his arms, voice hardening as he said: “how.”

Keith blinked. “I- well- I just, they’ve never said anything to me, or acted in that way, and they’re not exactly subtle when they do like someone, so-”

“And? _You_ never said anything to them, right? But you’re still in love with them, aren’t you? What if they like you like that but you never asked?”

“They don’t, Lance!”

“And why wouldn’t they? Look at you!”

“What the hell do you mean?”

“I-“ Lance stopped, the tugging feeling becoming almost painful now, and swallowed the lump in his throat. “You’re our leader. You stepped up to the burden of leadership, and...you...You’re so Level headed- and that’s because you’ve grown up- and I make fun of your stupid mullet but it’s only because you pull it off and who the _fuck_ pulls off a _mullet_ in _2019_ -“

Keith cut him off. “You like my hair?”

“I-“ Lance shuffled awkwardly. “I think it’s...tolerable.”

At that, Keith gave a lopsided grin, and something bloomed in Lance’s stomach- and oh dear god this was not good oh no oh no-

“You like my hair!”

“I- I do not!” And now he was blushing. _Why was he blushing?_

“Ha! Wait ‘till I tell Pidge! She’s gonna give you hell!” He made his way over as if he was going to leave the room and Lance went into overdrive, yelling as he tackled Keith away from the door and onto the closest thing next to them- the bed.

That began the greatest war since the Galra, in which the two brave paladins used their skills and talents as the defenders of the universe to tickle the other man into accepting defeat.

“Surrender!” Lance squawked from under him. A noble effort, Keith noted, but not good enough.

Keith began attacking the other’s neck, to which had a great effect. “Victory-“ Keith replied. “Or _death_.”

This went on for quite some time, but alas, Keith, being stronger and older, eventually had Lance pinned on the floor (how did they get onto the floor?) with Lance screeching bloody murder as Keith attacked his armpits.

Eventually, the battle wore thin and they breathed out heavily against one another, and Keith realised where he was currently sitting.

On. Lance.

His face exploded into a fiery blush, but for whatever reason, Keith couldn’t bring himself to move. It wasn’t until a good ten seconds later until Lance seemed to realise their positioning as well and his own neck erupted from soft brown to a brilliant red, climbing up into the rest of his face.

Keith scrambled off of Lance and onto the nearest physical object- the wall and clung to it, cheeks heavy and red.

They didn’t say anything for quite some time, both breathing a little heavy after the fight. Both of them were bright red, neither of them wanting to admit it. Eventually, they calmed down, and Lance, still avoiding Keith’s eye, spoke up.

“I like your hair. And your dumb face. And I’m sorry that you think whoever you’re in love with doesn’t love you back. But they’re stupid. You’re awesome.”

Keith turned to him, raising an eyebrow. “I never said anything about my face.”

“Yeah well-“ Lance began to pick himself up from the floor and strode over to Keith, placing a hand out to help him up. Keith took it. “I’m not gonna bother taking it back. Just don’t tell Pidge.”

They were back to standing now. Keith swallowed. “Your face is alright too.”

Lance blushed again and whispered a “thanks”, looking down at whatever the hell was so interesting on the floor, and whilst Keith realised he should probably head back to his place, the evil little monster residing itself within Keith’s stomach let out a disgusting little noise of happiness. He blushed. _That must mean something, right?_

Keith forced the monster back. Be logical, Kogane.

“I should- I should get going” Said Keith, turning and walking out of the door. He reached for the doorknob and as he was about to turn it, about to leave- when he felt a hand on his arm and suddenly he was turning, away from the door and into an envelope of Lance.

They hugged.

It lasted a while. The monster was pleased, doing backflips within Keith as Lance held onto him, and Keith could only stand there, rigid at first but soon placing his own arms around Lance to which lance let out a little whine and Keith _melted._

Slowly they backed away from each other. They stood, staring into each other’s eyes, locked onto one another as if nothing else in the world existed, nothing in the world mattered, it was only Lance and Keith- Keith and Lance.

“It’s you,” Keith said, never once taking his eyes off of the other. “It’s always been you.”

And Lance stared up at him, unsurprised but as if the information was still something he hadn’t come to terms with, as if he was only aware of it for a short while, so hearing Keith confirm it was still fresh. “I know,” he whispered. “But I shouldn’t- I can’t-”

Keith was speaking before he was even aware of it. “Why?”

Tears were beginning to form in Lance’s eyes, and Keith felt so helpless. “Because you left.”

“To protect you.” He said gently. Nothing mattered. Nothing mattered but Lance.

Lance shook his head as if what Keith said didn’t make sense. He seemed to try again, saying: “I was alone- you never said goodbye.”

“I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know whether or not you still hated me.”

And Lance sighed as if realising something, and it was such a sad sigh Keith found himself wishing he had never heard it. “I never hated you, Keith.” And Keith opened his mouth to reply, confused when Lance cut him off. “I was in love with you.”

And let it be known that Keith tried his hardest, tried his very hardest to remain strong and stoic, not for the sake of toxic masculinity (he would never), but because he didn’t like crying. Crying was what got you bullied in the group home, crying for his mama never got him anywhere. Crying for his dad never brought him back.

But here he was, crying. Mourning what could have been, grieving for lost time, ashamed he hadn’t seen it previously.

Crying and crying and crying.

“So what happened?” He managed. “You met Allura?”

“No. What happened was _you left_.” And there was such hatred in the words that finally Keith realised with a soft blow to the stomach that Lance wasn’t talking about Keith leaving Voltron.

He was talking about Keith leaving the Garrison, 7 years ago.

Lance had been in love with Keith for _7 years._

How had he not known?

“I tried to get over myself. Get over you.” Said Lance dully. “I was angry with you. I don’t know why. But I was. You were the one who got the attention from my hero, Shiro, you didn’t have to try but you were the best at anything we did, you had stood up for yourself or others- but then one day you were gone.  
“I had just accepted I wasn’t...straight, and the only way I knew that I was, was by how I had never, ever felt anything like what I felt with you. You made me so happy, Keith, so so happy and we barely knew each other. You made my days brighter and my smiles larger and you were my everything and then you were gone.” Lance’ voice shook, but he continued. “Then one day- a year later- you suddenly came back into my life, just when I had begun convincing myself that maybe I was over you, maybe I wasn’t even bisexual and you were just going to be a distant memory for me, but suddenly you were there with Shiro- and you-“ he laughed bitterly. “You didn’t remember me. I was in love with someone who didn’t even know I existed.  
“When I met Allura, I did like her. I’m not going to pretend it was anything like what I felt with you, but I thought she was pretty. I thought that maybe if I focused on her I could ignore you. I realised pretty quickly that she didn’t like me back and to be honest, I kindof forgot about trying to like her as if she was you. She could never be you.  
“Then when Shiro disappeared, you changed. I changed, yeah, but you changed too. You were suddenly...softer, nicer. You were the leader and I was your right-hand man and it was so weird but so good and made no sense but made so much sense and I was happy, Keith. I was so, so happy. We were getting along, and my feelings were still there but for the first time ever, they were being greeted with happiness, rather than nothing. He stopped and sighed.

“Then you left..” He said.”Again. And I was tired. I was hurt. You came back and I missed you. But you didn’t like me again. You made fun of me.  
“Veronica told me Allura liked me and I thought to myself that you were never going to like me. It’s been.. 8 years and nothing’s changed. And I still thought Allura was really pretty. Maybe I could just see how things went with her. Anyone would be lucky to go out with someone as lovely as her, so I gave it a shot.  
“Both of us realised pretty quickly it wasn’t working out. She was still in love with Lotor, I was still in love with you. And, the thing is, I honestly do love Allura. But... I realise now it’s not in the same way that I love you.”

Lance looked directly at Keith, directly into his eyes. “Because I’m in love with you, Keith.”

Keith ended things with him staring at Lance. Neither had the energy to waste on drama, on more crying- a tactic subconsciously learned throughout their time fighting in the war. They were tired, different- damaged.

But they were both so incredibly in love.

“I’m sorry.” Said Keith. He didn’t know what to say that could possibly make up for what he had caused. He didn’t know how his actions had caused so much pain but they had and he didn’t even know how to make things right- words had failed him.

“I know.” Replied Lance.

“I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

Lance looked at him, finally. “I know.”

And that was enough for now.

 

* * *

  
Exactly 6 days later, Keith stood, hidden behind a tree in the clearing near Lance’s house, freaking out to Shiro.

After telling Shiro and Adam the whole event (they didn’t ? seem surprised ??) Shiro, Adam, and he spoke for a further 7 hours, and, after consoling with Veronica (who ???? also didn’t seem shocked ??) they came up with a plan.

“Get off the phone already!” Shiro’s (rude, unsupportive, mean) exasperated voice sounded through the phone. “You’re going to be fine.”

“But- what if-”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“No! Shiro- _Takashi Shirogane-_ ”

Incredibly, the ringing tone was the only sound that greeted him.

Keith put his arm in his hair and mentally set a reminder for himself to make Adam accidentally mix up his coffee and used paint water again. He sighed.

 _It’s now or never,_ he thought. _I can do this._

And with that, he put his phone away and walked over to the McClains’ front door.

He took a deep breath. He rang the doorbell.

A few seconds later, Lance McClain opened the door, at first smiling, but face growing more and more confused as it drank in the sight of Keith, standing in a tux (the tie unraveled), holding a bouquet of brilliant roses. He smiled, albeit with a hint of uncertainty dusted across his face “...Keith..?”

“Lance,” he replied. Keith smiled, “Will you do me the honour-” He stared into Lance’ eyes, gorgeous and full and perfect. “-Of going to dinner with me?”

And Lance let out a bubble of laughter, a melodic symphony of perfection. “Keith.” he took the other man’s arm. “I would love to.”

And together, they began a new chapter. One of trust, one of patience, one of understanding.

But most importantly, one filled with Love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long. I've honestly been working on it since I uploaded the other part of it. It's just, this chapter was an absolute monster for me to write. I've rewritten it about 8 times, gotten friends to help, changed the ending like 3 more times, and completely got rid of a huge part I was originally keeping in.  
> Either way, it's finally done, and I'm really proud of it, at the very least.  
> I hope you guys, enjoyed it, and if so, please please leave me a comment. I love them, and they really make my day.
> 
> You can catch me on my [Tumblr](https://klaxces.tumblr.com/) , or my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/klaxces)
> 
> Or, if you really really really wanna go that extra mile in supporting me, my Ko-Fi is https://ko-fi.com/klaxces
> 
> Thanks, again, I love y'all.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment/Kudo if you liked this, it really keeps me going.
> 
> I'd love y'all to interact w me on my [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/klaxces)


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